[ My gReatEst gift iS wHaT i'm hAvInG] :)

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

why>

yesterday.. i just had eng class.. and i felt really dumbed.. as on the way out.. i was driving behind wei hao's car..and i was thinking about tourism geo..that rin told me that i got 90.. i thought he must be pulling my legs again..so i was looking for the phone..and then i accidentally press on to the acceralation..and the car moved forward..and i quickly changed to break...and my car.. pushed wei hao's car slightly..we were waiting to get out of the university..+_+ i was so shocked..that i actually 'slight bang ' into his car.. i thought he must be angry with me.. i felt so dumbed then later i drove to his side.. and we both rolled down the window...and i asked did i bang his car..and he nodded..then he stopped his car..to go down to look at the back of his car.. god.. i felt like killing myself.. how could i just be so careless and bang his car..as his car is just stopped in front of my car.. and later.. i went to see his car... and yea it's ok..as there's no destruction.. and he doesn't seem angry.. he said it's me so it's ok.. and he asked me not to think too much.. i'm quite touched though...

i don't know..but seems like i have a lot of things to do.. and so little time to rest.. not even much time to play with ham ham and brownies.. this term is really a busy term for me... and my chinese class is just started.. and this term is much more difficult that i had expected..well it's sort of a challenge..but then.. it's so tiring ...it's just the second day of lesson and i'm already wore out.. i don't think i could skip any chinese class now.. +_+ sigh.... and i have three essays of SEA to write.. one is rewrite.. the other one.. i wanted to get A..and the other homework.. just by the thought i feel like giving up.. and tmr.. eng topic essay would be given.. more research to be done.. :( and math.. homework.. haven't do.. well couldn't do.. i don't even understand so have to read up first.. but doesn't seem to have much time.. and tmr i would get tourism geo result of mid term.. i'm really scared.. hope i do well.. and still pressentation work to be done.. power points.. cry~~~~~~how i hope i can just run away from all these..
tmr finally my parents are coming back.. i feel so insecure without them around me.. coming back home without seeing them.. i didn't even want to go into their room to see nobody there.. feel kind of lonely.. and for chinese.. this thursday.. lee lao shi is my class teacher.. and he would teach about composition on business.. +_+ and there are more essays to be done.. i feel so..tired..and stressed... sigh sigh ....

# posted by milk bottle | 9:22 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, February 24, 2008

great day>

today i'm feeling exhausted.. well.. having a bit of problems.. but when got to see wei hao.. i feel quite delightful... and don't know what make him to be in such a good mood.. as he kept laughing all the way.... well today is very special...can't believe that i wear skirt... i was choosing..not sure which is suit me.. well all are my sister's skirt..and somehow quite loose.. well and i found one skirt pink colour..but it is too big..so i put clip so to make it more tightened..and later i put a belt on ... well somehow.. i feel that i looked really different.. not too bad hehe.. and i had a normal white t-shirt on top.. and somehow..i feel that i don't look that bad in skirt.....well.. then put on earrings and necklace..and my watch.. i had a hard time choosing the hand bag too...later when he came.. just when i got up the car.. he asked.. why u suddenly wear skirt? did u do something to your eyelashes...? hehe .. well.. because he said he wanted to see me in skirt...so.. i wear...
today we had a really long day.... we went to central world to eat mos burger...which is expensive..and not as nice as in singapore.. :( and then.. we walked around at isetan..and we shared cone ice-cream.. then we drove back to the mall.. oh went to his house first..then to the mall... to watch movie...jumper.. and then we went to eat BBQ... :) feeling so full.... then on the way home.. he was saying.. that the skirt is too short..and asked me not to wear...or smth.. well i'm kind of touching... hehe..and after i reached home.. and he left.. he called.. and i asked what is it.and he said he just called to say 'i love u' ... so sweet..hehe..and i put down..then 2 mins later..he called again and said the same thing... :)
tmr..having piano lesson! yea..great too...
well.. not sure my parents are coming back this tues or mon....but i feel that my mum is really nice...she even asked me if i want anything.. i said no..
well on friday... i saw one necklace.. yea with wei hao..and didn't really fond of it at the first sight..but wei hao said the design is nice..and he asked if i want..then he would buy it for me.. well.. come to think about it later.. i feel that the blue crystal thing in the middle is nice.. hehe..but then it is not a necessary thing...umm
tmr ...would get eng result...! of assignment 2.... :( wonder if i can do well or not...

# posted by milk bottle | 8:42 AM | 0 comments

Saturday, February 23, 2008

sicked>

i feel so exhausted.. today is the first day of chinese lesson.. and we had a new teacher.. a young lady.. well.. but i was so sleepy during the class.. and feeling a bit giddy too.. i'm glad to get to see Ji .. :) she's very nice.. i really feel that she's smart.. anyway.. home.. and about to take shower..then wei hao said he's in front of my house.. then later we had like one hour chat in the car.. and we played scissor,paper,stone.. and i won :) then however... later i asked him on the phone ...what would he do tmr ...he said he had no plan. but he was just mentioned to me yesterday that he would bring me out..i know he remembered..but he just didn't want to mention.. i somehow know that he didn't want to go to watch movie.. or go anywhere ...and when i asked him.. he told me not to think too much.. well..but it is true as he admit later.. that he's lazy and a bit tired.. and he said about the exam.. just finished and so on.. and i know it's his excuse.. and he promised to bring me to eat mos burger.. and he kept postponing for like 2 weeks or so now.. and yea he remembered.. but he also refused to mention.. and later.. he said.. may be we should go on monday..or so.. after class.. but then.. that time.. he would say things like.. 'tired.. go other day' ... i can't quite stand that.. he's just ..watever.. and later.. he said.. ok if u want tmr..then we go.. but ..it's like.. he didn't want to go.. so why should i 'forced' him... so i said.. then we don't go anywhere then... and he said..up to me.. and he wasn't very happy.. watever it is.. let's say about it tmr.. may be i just stay at home then.. sigh .. ..

# posted by milk bottle | 10:05 AM | 0 comments

Friday, February 22, 2008

well..>

ya.. it's yesterday when i got back my math result.. how i wish it turned out.. er.. not so bad.. but it is bad.. 39/80.. i couldn't quite believe it also.. that i would somehow fail.. and i need like C grade to pass this course. so can't just be like 50%.. at least is 70% to pass.. sigh.. :( i really got to study.. but i don't know.. somehow.. lazy.. well .. i will try to read... start from er... tmr.. ok tmr.. well.. and the other just had eng exam.. essay writing in class.. and Nick was taking lucky draw.. and i was... so nervous.. ipray so hard that it.s not on 'bully' topic.. and it is not. haha.. it's on sex education... i'm not sure if i would do well.. but i guess it should be ok..and today.. tourism geo exam.. in the morning i called wei hao.. and again he didn't answer..and i had this feeling that.. he might be sleeping.. i don't know why but i just feel so.. so i decided to go to his house.. his gate also not even closed.. so i went in.. and the door to the house as locked.. and i asked his maid if he had woke up.. and she said no.. so once! again!... i couldn't believe i was doing that again.. shouting to his room...for his name to wake him up.. he always study in front of the computer..and ended up.. fallen asleep in front of the computer.. and i called again.. and then i heard the ringing of his phone.. so he left his phone in his car... +_+ .. sigh..and well.. somehow.. my shouting.. can wake him up..and so i drove him to school.. then we were there and discuss it with radhika.. she was there at 8 30.. and we were there at 9..then in the class.. i was just sitting next to ..wei hao.. because of id no.. well.. i don't know.. but i feel a bit.. sick.. just slight giddy.. and there are four essay writing to it.. and the teacher was explaining questions to us..and answer our doubts.. well somehow ... i guess may be he's not that bad as i thought.. umm may be he's nice.. anyway.. it's good tat we don't have to write his name on the front cover of the booklet.. as i don't know how to spell his name.. and if i did wrongly .. he might be unhappy about it.. well.. then we after the exam.. i had a talk with wei hao.. and he said.. he wrote like 8 pages on the first question.. and the rest 4 pages.. i was ha...?! i wrote like two-3 pages only for the first question... god.. and the rest. even lesser.. i'm dead!... :( hope i would do ok.. at least a B please! then later i started to have a bad.. feeling.. and i was feeling really giddy.. but later i drove home... anyway.. in the evening.. my cousin and her bf came.. well.. i think they are quite suitable.. and her bf is good looking too.. but.. forget it.. they are together anyway.. eventhough he's not so good to her last time.. and i was waiting for wei hao to come and went for dinner together.. but he's late again.. :( i was waiting for so long.. was a bit unhappy..but when i see him.. that feeling disappear.. anyway we went for dinner.. and later play game..and later walk around.. and came to this earring section...and there's one necklace very nice..but a bit similar to the one i already got... which my parents had brought for me during my birthday... but.. a bit different...as this one has blue crystal in the middle.. hehe actually i quite like..and quite surprise when he asked if i want..he would buy for me.. and i said no....must be expensive and he said just 500 baht.. but actually it doubled the price... well but i'm quite touched though :)

and for so long he didn't come into my house..and i played piano for him... :)

# posted by milk bottle | 9:31 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

eng>

i can't quite believe myself too... i mean in term of ....well.. i think i treat wei hao really well.. i can't believe myself too.. lke on monday.. i kept calling him in the morning.. so so many time!! and he just didn't answer... i know he's working over the eng essay ...and i guess he didn't sleep again...and this term he skipped class for like numerous time.. and for eng.. if three or four time absence..cannot sit for final exam.. so.. i guess he's overslept and cannot wake up.. or some reasons... and so i as i was driving .. i don't know.. but i just felt that i should go to his house.. so i took a U turn..and there i was at his house.. but the door to the house is locked.. and all the windows were closed.. his maid said he didn't come down yet.. so he's in his room.. from downstair i looked up..and saw the light in his room is on.. and so.. he's must had fallen asleep while working with essay..and might not even know.. it's time for eng class.. i walked round and round his house for so many times!.. but how could i get in to wake him up.. ? i called and he didn't answer the phone.. i guess he left his phone in the other room.. or something.. +_+..and it's 15 mins to 12pm..class going to start.. and there i was late too!... so i guess.. i had to take some actions.. so i stood there and shouted his name...god! i can't believe i would do such things!.. and no reply.. and a while i shouted again.. and again..and again..and again...i'm not sure how many times.. and then i guess i should go.. can't help it.. then later.. i heard footsteps from the stairs ..and there.. he opened the door and came out.. couldn't even walk very steady... i was relief! then i feel that i was like acting in some kind of drama...haha.. then we went to school ... i drove though.. and later he took the car to park and i went to the class first.. i was late for 10 mins.. :( then later he came..
then yesterday.. he said he's coming over to pick me.. but i was thining if he would... wll mum wanted to take my car to renew the license.. but it was 10am..and he's still not here.. and we had an appointment with Teddy...to help us with our eng essay...and i kept ccalling...later he came..looking as usual pale as he didn't sleep fo the whole night..i was actually not quite happy...as he always came late or didn't even come..but seeing him in that state.. ifeel quite bad too.. then later after neeting teddy we decide to come home and do essay... and skip math and SEA class.. god..i'm really worried about math.. i'm struggling...and it seems like nobody understand the concept well!
today... he said he wanted to come and pick me... i was quite surprised...and it was like the first time... that he's not late.. i was quite tired over eng essay as well..but at least i did sleep while he didn't..

# posted by milk bottle | 8:19 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, February 17, 2008

valentine>

valentine has passed.. it is my first time.. of the 20 years of not being single.. i was kind of waiting and expecting really.. for the very first time of celebrating valentine. well.. to be frank i was a bit disappointed.. it wasn't what i expected it to be..wei hao was so cold.. and he didn't mentioned a word about it when we were in school.. i see so many girls carrying a big buch of flowers with them.. and here my bf not even saying anything to me.. i stayed up the night before...to make him folded paperof heart shape and put them in one bottle.. i use white and red colour paper.. it was quite a rush.. and i thought i might not be able to finish it at all... and my cousin was like expecting me that i wouldn't be able to finish.. i stay up till 3.30am to do it.. at around 2am.. i saw wei hao online.. and he asked me why didn' t i go to sleep ..i didn't tell him..and he said he would accompany me.. and while chatting with him on msn.. i was doing the folding at the same time... i was like half way of the bottle.. :( well.. then the next day.. in the morning i woke up to do it again.. and i knew i could finish it.. :) .. it's like the first time i put in so much effort in doing things for other.. and even though tired.. i feel it's worth.. mum was telling me.. why didn't i just buy rose.. and go to bed.. need not to stay up so late.. and i gave her an excuse that papers were already brought.. she didn't say anything.. i know.. she knows what i was thinking.. well.. in school.. i bought him a rose.. but happened that it's not so strong.. and somehow i feel so embarrassed giving him rose.. and he looked amazed too.. then he asked if wanted to have lunch together.. or dinner.. somehow i felt that he's so unsincere.. and he told me he's gong home to sleep first.. so we went home separately.. somehow i see a little smile on his face.. as he walked to his car.. i just knew that he's up to something.. he couldn't be forgetting about giving me present.. and at home.. i continued with the heart folding.. and finally i finished with it.. and put ribbon around it.'m qute proud of my own work ...:) then later we agred to have dinner together.. and he came holding a poy of red flower n hs hand.. i dind't really care what flower ...or anythng.. but was really happy... and later got into his car.. he pass me a box of present... i was quite surprised.. as i thought there's just flower...and after opened it up.. it's white jacket,, quite nice.. and later i took the bottle out from my bag.. and gave to him.. and he was like.. what is this.. i hope he was touched.. and later he put it down and gave me a hug.. then we went to central together.. there wwere so many people....and long movie quene so we just went for dinner.. but we also have to wait...yea.. and so .. in the end we ate pizza.. and came home.. +_+ ... so he said he would bring me to movie the next day...
so on friday .. we went for movie... first we went to supermarket.. and he's pushing the trolley.. an bought some fruits and some snacks.. i was thinking we were like.. and later he mentioned it.. we were like husband and wife.. i was ha?! ... well that's what i was thinking.. and we went for movie.. P.S. i love you.. got it's so sad.. i kept a few times.. during the moive.. and wei hao was like.. about to fall asleep.. i don'tthink he even know that i was sobbing away.. he said he couldn't understand the movie..
next week,, eng and tourism geo exam!!! i really hate that ! sigh.. so many things to do.. i'm afraid i might not be doing well.. and my chinese class is opened very soon.. and my parents are going to china.. home alone again.. sigh

# posted by milk bottle | 9:17 AM | 0 comments

Friday, February 15, 2008

valentine?>

things seem to really bad.. i mean for the math exam.. on wednesday.. i skip morning class.. as i wanted to study math.. so many things to learn.. and it's not just math.. but a lot of weird stuff which belong to the daily live.. about what investment thing ..and business.. i have to say.. i've got no idea in those.. and if on finance course.. i would be dead.. +_+ have to take even higher level of math..i'm so scared that i would fail math.. so i went for english class..wei hao told me that he would want to go for the lesson.. but he didn' t go.. so i went and call him after the class.. and he said he's studying math.. and two absence in eng class.. with three he wouldn't be able to attend exam.. well. and Nick asked me what's wrong with wei hao.. i guess he must know that we are together..then i and rin went to canteen to eat lunch.. and there we met guz , new , toon and nat.. so we sat together.. then rin and i went to library.. to study..and quite sometime later.. wei hao said he's coming. and there..doing exercises.. so many questions that i couldn't do.. then the person.. at the next table.. turned and we talked.. he's also studying for math exam and he's in my southeast asia class too.. i think he's quite nice .. as he tried to teach me math.. well..but not easy to understand... and later wei hao came.. but then so many ppl.. especially those.. his taiwanese friends.. and dont know who.. they came and asked him questions.... as he's good n studies.. and he's sitting beside him.. i don't know.. but i really feel very upset.. he's care more for them..than me.. well ..it was about 4 pm.. we were having exam at 6 pm.. he didn't really care lol.. that's what i feel.. and last term he said what.. we got together as we started with studying together..discussion.. then he said what he would teach me first to others.. but this term he doesn't care at all.. then ... when i asked cake..he's there too.. about probabillity.. which is very confusing.. cake is so willing to teach.. quite touching.. but on the other hand.. wei hao just asked.. have i studied everything.. i don't know but i feel that he's just being so unsincere.. if he was, he would have asked me to study with him in the first place.. and i don't knwo why..he seemed so high.. at that minute.. i feel that he's really different.. and i kind of hate him.. may be i was totally wrong ... well.. time passed by.. and i dont' really able to study.. my mind wasn't with me.. and later i got up and took my phone along to call my mum.. i don't know but i really need her badly at that moment.. may be just by listening to her voice is the best comfort.. i asked her ' what if i fail math?' and she just said just retake it then it's not a big deal.. and later i heard dad voice as he must be sitting beside mum...he also saying it's ok.. could get a tutor.. or something.. right at that moment.. i was somehow sobbing.. i was in the corner of the library.. feeling touched and knowing that my parents are the best.. they always support me not matter what.. then i stopped and went out of library.. and later...i stood near the window ...and staring out.. quite long time. and i wonder if people there thought i was crazy or something.. then later he came out.. and asked me what happened.. and asked why didn't i go and study.. and i said i had many things that i don't understand.. and later.. he said he could teach me... but there's just like half an hour left.. i don't think it does any help.. not at all.. after the exam.. i was so upset.. and he comfort me.. but i wonder what was he really thinking.. would he feel sad like i did? or it didn't matter to him at all.....

# posted by milk bottle | 8:52 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

bad>

it has been a really bad week for me.. :( everything seems so wrong just everything.. i did study hard for southeast asia ..well and math too.. but .. :( yesterday.. had SEA exam... in front of the class.. then i noticed that i forgot the id card...and you need to have one..in order to enter.. then thers's one girl who forget the id card as well.. so we were asked to go down to make for the temporary card..while the rest could enter the class...i had to run down to the office to make the temporary id.. had to fill up the form then pay fined! 500baht , that's ridiculous. and it took me quite sometimes.. then i rushed back to class and in to the class..but then..i forget to see my seat number.. so i went out again to check the seat number.. then later.. i went in.. but was so confused.. and messed up.then i went out to see the seat number again.. god it drove me crazy.. and i settled down to the paper.. well.. i'm not sure if i did well.. but.. was really tired.. perspired a lot.. and later went for math class.. i think now i'm getting along with rin, suji and cake better.. especially cake.. i thought he's not very good at first.. but my impression change... then in the math class.. i was like.. no much idea what the teacher was giveing review on.. and the next day is math mid term! sigh... and a lot of thing i didn't know..or understand.. and wei hao also didn't want to study with me.. i don't know what's he's been doing these days .. he seemed to be busy with somethings.. he said he study but i'm not sure.. and everytime he called he would say.. he's tired then later.. he's busy.. and tired.. i really don't understand him..

# posted by milk bottle | 8:01 AM | 0 comments

Friday, February 08, 2008

sigh...>

mid-term is coming! :( sigh.. actually want to go to my cousin's aniversary.. but i don't think i have time.. hope she's not angry.. sigh.. i really wanted to.. but it would take like the whole sunday....
i got to study math and midterm is 50% that's a lot...but then i also have Southeast asia studies.. which is on er... 12 and math is on 13... and 14 is.. hehe valentine.. =) so happy.. but so sad.. need to have exam....but i'm kind of excited.. because it's the first valentine in the 20 years of me.. that i'm not going to be alone... hehe..anyway... 'study come first' is what my mum always tell me...
the other day, i saw nikita.. well so bad.. that we didn't really get to meet.. unlike last trimester.. but i guess she has made one new friend.. who i used to know in my camping group..but i don't really like her.... well.. and in my tourism geo class.. happened to know a person named jip.. we just happened to talk in the toilet for a while.. but i think she's a nice person...and she asked for my phone number.. and i also chat with guz the other day.. and may be we might meet up on monday before we have class.. i think guz is nice too.. well the other in eng class..supposed to hand in homework in nicenet.. by 10 but i handed in like mid-night.. and so surprised that Nick took my post to print out.. as well as another person, ramil.. and print out... to discuss in the class... well i was.. surprised.. and i was like any how do.. remember doing it..while giving advice to nat on msn.. he's like broke up with girlfriend.. and told me how sad he was..and said he smoke and drink..sigh.. i tried to tell him how bad those things are but he just refused to heed my advice.. what can i do?... and i'm kind of sicked listening to him.. anyway.. well.. i shouldn't say such things.. break up is really painful isn't it.. umm..
in school canteen, i always drink... cantelop+water melon with milk... so nice! it's my favourite.. hehe..and today wei hao and i had somthing different.. the lady intrduce to us... beet root+ celery+lemon and carot.. well i think it tastes weird at first.. but later.. not so bad.. :)

# posted by milk bottle | 5:08 AM | 0 comments

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

happy>

well.. these days i think that i and wei hao are getting along really well.. :) it's so great.. we spend so much time together and it's kind of use to having him beside me.. i hope he feels the same too.. hehe i think he is.. umm i think so :).. and today in the canteen a girl.. i'm not very closed though ..but we always say hi to each other .. and she sort of asking me.. if i and him together as she always see me with him.. well i didn't answer her directly.. but hehe it's kind of weird.. saying 'yea, he's my boyfriend'... i'm not quite used to saying such thing... well.. hehe need time i guess.. but right now.. i'm just happy :) however... nat.. a person who look sort of like jay chou.. he was talking to me on msn.. and telling me about him being broke up with girlfriend.. and how sad he was.. and he said he drink beer every night.. sigh.. and they were together for like 3 years... that's really long.. i feel so bad for him.. well i don't know what would happen to me in the future as i can't predict it.. but i think.. the best thing i can do is ..to savour what i'm having right now...

# posted by milk bottle | 10:05 AM | 0 comments

Monday, February 04, 2008

88>

hehe.. today i got back my english essay..and i got ! 88/100..that's B plus.. hehe..well and wei hao.. as usual top of the class.. or may be the whole level.. 96/100... i'm quite proud of him lol.. well i somehow know he would do well.. he's just smart.. umm ... hehe.. well i'm quite happy with my result too.. actually i thought my essay not that well written lol...but i think the teacher like me... hehe or may be i'm 'happy-go lucky' these days.. it's raining ..well but it's not the rain of sadness..but it's rain of happiness and romance.. :) anyway mid-term is coming!!! god i haven't really start studying...cry~~~~~feel so bad.. but i want to get A though.. i think i would.. but need to really study...

# posted by milk bottle | 7:42 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, February 03, 2008

happy :)>

well... last night i was still feeling terrible.. i don't know why... but i woke up like 3am plus.. and found myself crying.. well.. and may be because of mosquitoes too..i felt so irritated... and i just couldn't sleep.. and later.. happened that outside was raining,... can't believe as it's not raining season..and i didn't see rain for like so many months.. but happened that it just rained... i thought i was in the dream.. as i could feel my heart ache.. till this morning.. i was really expecting his call.. and i thought he wouldn't want to even call me.. but well he did... sigh.. i had the feeling that he didn't want to go out with me.. anyway we did ...to watch movie... and we got the king size sofa.. :) so we could sit together.. and could lean back.. quite comfortable.. but of course the price is higher.. well i think the movie helped us a lot.. as we get along better after watching the movie..enchanted.. but before the movie, we had a bit of time and so we went to see high heel shoes.. and also to buy some snacks which are not allowed in cinema.. as we had to buy at the cinema there not supermarket.. so we like went to buy just water and put all those things together... i was quite scared that they might check.. but lucky they didn't..not even check my bag.. :) then we went to eat BBQ plaza.. very delicious.. hehe...i just love the sauce.. then in the car... we sort of having a little talk.. and he told me how terrible he had felt.. anyway i'm glad that we sort of get together well again .. home-- i told mum that we got along ok now.. mum seems to know a lot even if i don't speak.. and she even knew how upset i were.. the past few days.. i feel that my mum is really a strong woman.. but some parts of her is very weak too.. well.. but she gave me advice and also recommend me how should i handle it.. yea i guess ihad been to short- tempered.. well.. and she even know that i'm really upset.. i feel somehow bad.. that she can like see through me..

# posted by milk bottle | 8:54 AM | 0 comments

Saturday, February 02, 2008

看开>

after i have a chat with my mum.. well i guess she somehow able to see through me.. and after listening to her advice.. i really feel that everything seems to be ok.. :) hehe.. well i'm too stubborn too and i shouldn't just angry and refused to talk.. yea i think i got to really change this habit... well i guess i should be more '看开' and i wish everything would be fine.. :)

# posted by milk bottle | 7:35 AM | 0 comments

Friday, February 01, 2008

sad>

i never felt this terrible before... i'm having headache a slight one.. but i just can't sleep.. and it seems like i'm crying myself to sleep every night...and today i woke up again at 3am.. not sure why it's always aroung this time. i felt like calling him..but i don' t think he would be happy if i call to disturb him at this kind of time.. but somehow i remember that last time.. seemed to be so long time ago..we chat till 3am...and sometimes when he called so late and woke me up.. i still feel satisfied..but i guess if i call him at this time today, i guess he would get mad. i feel hurt don't think he knows or wanted to know. i really wish he could comfort me. may be he doesn't understand me at all nor do i understand him. i feel really terrible , sad and useless..i never be like this before. and on the phone..he's quiet, i'm slient..and he would say he's tired , wanted to get some sleep....i'm tired too but i just want to stay on.. and after telling him that i had went to change the size of my clothes with my dad...he said oh.. at first he said he could accompany me ( may be just because i asked him too, but i think he doesn't really want to go) ...and so he said in that case.. he would just go out with his friends then for tomorrow. i thought he would at least...wanted to ask me out. well i guess he doesn't even want to see me. i don't know why but i feel so helpless. suddenly , i feel like disappearing.. may be going to oversea to study or something... i kept telling myself that everything would be fine but i'm not sure now if it would.and it seemed like when i faced up with problems,relationshop problems.. i just don't know how to solve it.. and all i could do is ignored him and come home and cry to sleep. i don't think i deserve this and i don't think it's my fault. don't he have any responsibilies..and he said his friend has no sense of time and rin kept changing time.. the other time.. since he doesn't like it , then why is he doing it to me. i really don't mind if he didn't come to pick me ..but if he felt that he can't wake up, he could then tell me to go by myself in the first place...and not to just let me kept waiting... i called.. but he said his moblie was in slient...so i should just forget about the whole thing? and said oh it's ok, i understand...?is that what he expected me to say..
he told me to try to understand him.. but has he tried to understand me?

# posted by milk bottle | 1:05 PM | 0 comments