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Friday, February 01, 2008

sad>

i never felt this terrible before... i'm having headache a slight one.. but i just can't sleep.. and it seems like i'm crying myself to sleep every night...and today i woke up again at 3am.. not sure why it's always aroung this time. i felt like calling him..but i don' t think he would be happy if i call to disturb him at this kind of time.. but somehow i remember that last time.. seemed to be so long time ago..we chat till 3am...and sometimes when he called so late and woke me up.. i still feel satisfied..but i guess if i call him at this time today, i guess he would get mad. i feel hurt don't think he knows or wanted to know. i really wish he could comfort me. may be he doesn't understand me at all nor do i understand him. i feel really terrible , sad and useless..i never be like this before. and on the phone..he's quiet, i'm slient..and he would say he's tired , wanted to get some sleep....i'm tired too but i just want to stay on.. and after telling him that i had went to change the size of my clothes with my dad...he said oh.. at first he said he could accompany me ( may be just because i asked him too, but i think he doesn't really want to go) ...and so he said in that case.. he would just go out with his friends then for tomorrow. i thought he would at least...wanted to ask me out. well i guess he doesn't even want to see me. i don't know why but i feel so helpless. suddenly , i feel like disappearing.. may be going to oversea to study or something... i kept telling myself that everything would be fine but i'm not sure now if it would.and it seemed like when i faced up with problems,relationshop problems.. i just don't know how to solve it.. and all i could do is ignored him and come home and cry to sleep. i don't think i deserve this and i don't think it's my fault. don't he have any responsibilies..and he said his friend has no sense of time and rin kept changing time.. the other time.. since he doesn't like it , then why is he doing it to me. i really don't mind if he didn't come to pick me ..but if he felt that he can't wake up, he could then tell me to go by myself in the first place...and not to just let me kept waiting... i called.. but he said his moblie was in slient...so i should just forget about the whole thing? and said oh it's ok, i understand...?is that what he expected me to say..
he told me to try to understand him.. but has he tried to understand me?

# posted by milk bottle | 1:05 PM

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